Pain of Separation
by MoonLitHeavans
Summary: -IchiRuki- She's gone and it hurts too much to think about her. Every little memory of her...every thought hurts. It's easier not to think about her. MAJOR SPOILERS!


**MAJOR SPOILERS!**

_I haven't written anything in forever, but the recent Bleach arc/chapters have made it so darn tempting to write something that I couldn't resist. I still cannot make it through Chapter 423 without tearing up. Especially after watching Ending 26! God, that look Ichigo gives Rukia (or the viewere since it's from her POV) is just so heartbreaking. It made me tear up...and I have never gotten emotional over an ending before. That ending was just full of sweet/adorable/cute/etc. moments, lol. _

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach. Kubo Tite does.**

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"_This is farewell Ichigo."_

"_Seems so…"_

He watches her slowly fade away, those violet eyes shining with tears she refuses to shed. He should reach out; touch her before she truly disappears. It wouldn't take much to breach the small gap between them but he doesn't. His hands curl into fists in his pocket, eyes cast downwards, unable to meet her gaze. He should at least give himself that small privilege, that one last look into those dark pools of violet, but he doesn't. He feels her lean slightly towards him before turning around and walking towards the senkaimon. Somewhere behind him he could hear his friends saying goodbye. She returns their farewells, and he wishes he didn't have to hear that musical voice of hers. Just before she steps through those gates for the last time, he looks up. Most of her body was no longer visible to him but her face remained as clear as it had always been. She looks back, that halfhearted attempt at a smile on her face. He hates that expression. He hates how helpless he feels when she gives him that look. Yet he can't bring himself to hate this particular instance of that expression.

_"Bye Rukia…Thank you."_

She's gone and he regrets not telling her thank you before the gates had closed. She's gone but her voice still echoes in his mind. He can still feel her gaze on his face and her face is burned into his mind. Maybe he was just imagining it because she really is gone. He feels the pain wash through is body, pulling at his chest. The "what if's" passed through is mind and wished they would just disappear. Every single thought about her was almost unbearable but the last memory of her face was infinitely more unbearable. He slowly walks upstairs to his room, not paying attention to the worried faces of his friends.

The door clicks shut behind him and he looks around at his room. Everything reminded him about her and that pain in his chest grew more pronounced. She had stepped into his room, his life, when she materialized from that wall. She had slept in that closet during her first stay with him. She had often climbed through that window, even when she had his family's permission to live in their house the second time. Each and every single memory hurt more than the last, more than he thought was ever possible. He punched his wall, the throbbing of his hand a welcome relief from the completely different pain in his chest.

"_How the hell would I be happy like this?"_

He expected an answer, even though he was alone. He'd been unconscious for the past month but right now the only thing that he wanted to do was sleep. Maybe sleep would offer some relief from this pain, from memories of her. Sighing, he walked over to close his window but his hands wouldn't move. It was stupid because he knew full well that she was gone, but he couldn't close the window. She used to climb through that window, that's why he had made it a habit to keep it open. He can't bring himself to close it so he goes to sleep that night with the window wide open. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wishes that she would climb through that window. Wishes are really all he has now.

He closes his eyes and all he can see are her eyes. He punches his pillow, feeling hot tears slide down his face. In the dark, he lets himself cry tears that he couldn't let himself shed in her presence. Just before he falls asleep, he catches a glimpse of the night sky. There was no moon in the sky. He remembers that there was a full moon that night he had met her. He gave a bitter laugh; even nature was doing its damn best to remind him that she was gone. Before he knew it, the tears started again or perhaps they had never really stopped in the first place.

He dreams about her that night. She's smiling in his dreams, violet eyes dancing with happiness. The sound of commotion downstairs wakes him and his eyes land on his closet door. The sudden realization that she's gone hits him and that pain fills his chest again.

**-5 Months-**

It was easier to not think about her. He vaguely remembers hearing that time heals all wounds. That person had lied. It's been months but every memory of her still causes that crippling pain to wash over him. He tries not to think about her. He tries not to remember her face, remember her voice. It's impossible because everything about her is forever burned into his mind. He still tries because he has to, if only to maintain some mask of normalcy. The world didn't stop turning when she disappeared from his life and he has to move with it, even if his world had remained frozen in that moment six months ago.

**-10 Months-**

He had mastered the art of faking normalcy. Each morning he'd get up, go downstairs, eat breakfast, go to school, go to work, go home, eat dinner, do homework, go to sleep, and repeat the same pattern. He doesn't think about her anymore. It hurts too much. Time had only made the gaping wound in his chest worse. He's not perfect and he slips sometimes. It's rare but there are times when he can almost see those eyes of hers and the pain would return. The numbing monotony of "normal" life helped dull the pain. After each slip up, he doubles his efforts to keep her from his thoughts and he tells himself that it's better this way. He tells himself that it's better that he doesn't think about her, it's better to just live this new "normal" life of his. He tells himself that he doesn't think about her because there's no reason to. He doesn't miss her, he doesn't need her.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows he's lying to himself but right now, denial is the only way he can go on with his life. He lets himself have that privilege, if only to stop the pain.

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_I wrote this really late at night so there are probably grammar mistakes everywhere. I plan on doing another chapter for this which would basically be about the start of the new arc to the recent chapter, where he gets Fullbring. (Sorry can't remember the chapter number.) _

_Hope you enjoyed! Faves, comments, etc. are greatly appreciated! _


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